Zombies Hit Lethbridge!

From our Lethbridge Correspondent:

From: Brett
Sent: October-20-11 7:42 AM
To: Evan
Subject: Zombie attack!

Morning Evan,

Yesterday on my way to work I seen a guy that was stumbling around like he was WASTED (I've been in that condition once or twice).  He began "walking" up towards me, and I assumed he was going to ask me for some change (been in that condition two or three times) and he was just mumbling/making strange noises (been in that condition four or five times).  After knowing what a couple of bucks will do when someone is in this state, I tossed all of the change in my pocket onto the street as I skateboarded by.  The fellow proceeded to walk past my change and turned around and began following me (some girls have been in that condition five or six times).

Confused/mad at him I hopped off the skate and went back to pick up my change cussing (not appropriate language for work email) at him.  As I walked pass the dude I noticed his shirt was covered in blood and I knew he had Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Zombiousisus that you had warned me of.  Before I had a chance to take off on the skateboard, leaving the money on the ground (never been in that condition), and urinating myself he tried to grab me.

I quickly dodged the attempt and stupidly began picking up as much change as possible "cough, cough, I need a raise, cough" I said as this was happening.  The "zombie" slowly stumbled towards me and after I grabbed some loonies off the ground I gave him a swift kick in between the legs, thinking this will stop ANYBODY!  It did nothing.  Thanks to playing Tony Hawk video games for endless hours, I had the knowledge and skill to use my board to quickly and painlessly slay the zombie (told you Mom).  I quickly swung the skateboard at his melon and knocked it right off!  After all this (going home and changing my pants and picking up ALL my change) I skateboarded past the bugger and made it to work on time.

After getting home I was so upset I had to pick up the guitar and write a little song about what happened (see attached lyrics, and I can teach you the chords if you like!)

I have found a ride to work every morning now so I am hoping not to be outside much anymore.

And the attached lyrics (think Beverly Hillbilies):

Come and listen to a story about a man named Brett

A poor Autocad Tech, nicest guy I ever did met,

Then one day he was scooting off to work,

And up through the ground came a blood soaked jerk.

Zombie that is, undead, walking stiff.

Well the next thing you know Brett’s a zombie too,

And at work he effects the survey crew

That was my biggest worry and the sum of all my fear

An office full of Zombies that work at Steward Weir.

Brain Dead, that is. Mindless fools, un- accurate surveys.

Well now its time to say good by to Brett and all his kind.

Its time to go hunting cause, fresh meat they have to find.

But if work needs to be done, they well get it done Stat.

And please stop by after because they like to chew the fat

Brains that is. Set a spell, Take your shoes off.

Y'all come back now, y'hear?. 

Image poached from here: http://www.flickriver.com/photos/ericflexyourhead/sets/72157624652700205/