Gotta Get Down on Friday

I'm running out of clever post titles. Its turning into a busy day for the impending zombie battle. Its nice to see that my coworkers are finally realizing that this is Serious Business.

Rather than have three little posts, its going to be one larger post with the goings on of this morning. First off, a note from the horde:

From: Zombie Horde
Sent: Friday, October 28, 2011 8:32 AM
To: Le Office
Subject: Monday's Meeting

Hello, We wood like to meat the HEADS of your office. How does a quarter after your brains sound? See you Monday.

- Zombie Horde

Zombies in the news:

Safety

My office has some pretty major safety policies. One of them is that each member submits a safety topic that is displayed when we enter our timesheets. We have to acknowledge that we read the topic, and in return, we get 'safety points' which can be used towards gift cards and other things. My turn to submit came up last week, and I sent in the following (which showed up as today's safety message):

10/28/2011 12:00:00 AM
There are all kinds of emergencies that we can plan for, including the zombie apocalypse. It may sound like fiction, but its not an impossibility. Many films depict zombies as created by an infectious virus, passed on by bites. Its possible that a mutation of mad-cow (or Creutzfeldt–Jakob), measles or rabies could cause zombie-like symptoms.


So how can you prepare? A disaster emergency kit and an emergency plan.
Stockpile water (4L/person/day), non-perishable food items, prescription and non-prescription medications, tools and supplies, sanitation supplies (for keeping zombie viruses at bay), clothing, copies of important documents, and First Aid supplies.


For an emergency plan, identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area (in Alberta, there’s flooding, tornadoes, zombies, blizzards, etc). Pick a primary and secondary meeting place for your family to regroup. Identify emergency contacts like police, fire department, zombie response squad, and an out-of-town contact that you can contact to let the rest of your family know you’re ok.

Recycling

Bastards used Comic Sans again. Evil. Pure evil.

From: Zombie Horde
Sent: Thursday, October 27, 2011 2:36 PM
To: Le Office
Subject: Lnch & LeaRn

Greetings and Salutations,

A specially trained team of recycling experts will be in your office October 31 for a lunch and learn about how to reuse discarded corpses and cadavers. You will be the lunch and you will learn.

Please have a flip chart and lots of ketchup ready.

Public Media Education Team - Zombie Horde

Studies

There's no hope for me then...

From: Laura
Sent: October-27-11 11:58 AM
To: Evan
Subject: FW: Brains Study

Evan,

Turns out the Zombie Horde is using a new form of English to communicate (If you can read the following, you may be susceptible to the Zombie Virus. Please exercise extreme caution, consider getting some zombie protection and for goodness sake, wash your hands!)

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.  PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.  

All I can do now is wash my hands, and hope for the best...

I'd Much Rather Have Shawarma

Who knows what is *really* in falafel anyway? Sure, wikipedia says chickpeas, but I call shenanigans on that.

From: Zombie Horde
Sent: Thursday, October 27, 2011 8:06 AM
To: Le Office
Subject: Lunch PLans?

Hello. We wood like to have lunch with you today. HOw does falafels and brains sound?

-Zombies

News From the Field

Some shocking news. Read on...

From: Evan
Sent: Thursday, October 27, 2011 7:43 AM
To: Le Office
Subject: Not a good sign

I received a series of emails from one of our local field crew chiefs last night. They had decided to work in the evening hours, under the cover of darkness, to avoid being spotted by the Zombie Horde and I am afraid to say that the outcome is quite disturbing.

There is no better time than now to come over to my desk and make a pledge or donation to the United Way,  to ensure that we have professional protection on Monday.

Please review the emails and decide for yourself. (Then go wash your hands.)  

***

(To break up the wall of text after the jump, there's a picture of a kitty waiting for you)

A Proposal is Suggested

Evan has been in contact with this zombie hunter he met. He's not licensed, which is lame, but the price is certainly right.

From: Evan
Sent: Wednesday, October 26, 2011 12:59 PM
To: Le Office
Subject: RE: Zombie Issues and Proposal

Good Afternoon All,

October 31 is getting closer and the zombie activity has only worsened. I have asked John “Karma the Zombie Killer” for a quote and he is willing to come if we raise $500 for the United Way!

The details are below. Please see me with your donations and pledges I will make sure you get a tax receipt! (Remember to wash your hands before you come to my desk!)

It is very important during these troubling times that we stand together in unison and remember to wash our hands!

Thank you!

Evan

From: John Karma London
Sent: October-26-11 12:44 PM
To: Evan
Subject: Zombie Issues

Evan;

Here are the details regarding your Zombie Infestation.

I am not (yet) licensed by the ZPreparedNetwork and so I can’t legally charge for my services. However, I am willing to donate my time on behalf of the United Way if you can raise at least $500.

So, here is my proposal:

I can provide “Piece of Mind” basic protection for those willing to make a donation of $25 or more. The zombies won’t get a chance to touch you. I solemnly promise.

For a donation of $50 or more you can become part of the action! You can choose to help me out fighting the zombies with weapons provided and my specialized techniques! Or you can choose to join the zombie horde team and spend the day moaning and grunting. Then you will participate in the Zombie Walk to Starbucks.

Here is the catch. Zombies need to eat. They need to eat brains. And Calgary Zombies love them some corporate leadership brains. So, if I provide protection for everyone, we will need to sacrifice your boss – Mark [the boss]– to the horde and their will. Mark must be overtaken and dressed down by the Zombie Horde. Oh-key-doh-key?

So, keep me informed with your fundraising effort and LMK if you have any questions.

Be safe and remember to wash your hands.

John London

Karma the Zombie Killer

(I don’t hate Zombies – I just love killing them)

From: Evan 

Sent: October-26-11 12:44 PM
To: John Karma London
Subject: Karma is coming!

Karma,

Zombies have entered the building and judging from the color in some of my co-workers eyes, I’d say it’s too late for many of them. Please come and help me protect this office! Our clients and families are counting on you!

Thanks and have a great day

Evan 

Coffee Time

Clever bastards. I almost fell for it.

From: Zombie Horde
Sent: Wednesday, October 26, 2011 7:14 AM
To: Le Office
Subject: Coffee

Hey buddy what is up?

This is your co-worker. Please come outside and we can have a coffee. Leave your office doors open and unguarded.

Sincerely Your Co-worker (not the zombies)

Zombie Deer

From: One of the project managers
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2011 11:58 AM
To: Evan
Cc: Me
Subject: zombie deer

Evan

I thought you guys were full of s**t with all this zombie crap. I seriously did. I would have sworn that to my grave. It did not make sense and it seemed so stupid...ya right.

This weekend I was running my dog at night passing by the usual half dozen deer we see in the long grass on the hill near my place. My headlight does light up their eyeballs pretty scary-like. But Saturday night I damned near had a heart attack and my dog had a S**t fit !!

These deer started coming towards  us ...ON THEIR HIND LEGS...chanting’

“We want meat, we want meat...man meat, dog meat, we want meat!!”

I got the picture on my cell phone, before my dog collided with the one on the left and took off his back legs...AND IT STILL KEPT CRAWLING towards me !!! So we got the hell out if there.

GEEZ H...Evan I swear I’ll never doubt you again.

Highly Inappropriate Tales for Young People

The following was spotted in Friday's Globe and Mail: I highly, HIGHLY recommend reading the story on the G&M website, because of the awesome illustrations by Graham Roumieu. Clickity.

Graham Roumieu (with permission from Random House Canada)

Book excerpt
A story for the spooky season
douglas coupland AND graham roumieu
From Saturday's Globe and Mail


Mr. Fraser looked like most substitute teachers, with the exception that he was a member of the walking dead. If you were to stab him with a sharp pencil, he wouldn’t bleed. Instead, all he’d do was drip a bit of undead goo from the hole.


If the teachers in the staff room noticed that Mr. Fraser was a member of the walking dead, they never said anything, because subs were hard to come by. The female teachers had a secret agreement among themselves as to how to divvy out once-a-month spa days. Exposing Mr. Fraser as a walking corpse would have wrecked their system.


One morning Mr. Fraser showed up to cover for Miss Lincoln, who had told the principal she was going in for diabetes counselling, but who was actually across town getting an exfoliating moisture mask done with heated mitts to the sound of soothing New Age music. Her class quickly noted that Mr. Fraser’s skin was as white as photocopy paper and that you could see his veins, as well as holes and gashes and bruises where he had injured himself, because members of the walking dead can’t heal.


The class wasn’t sure if Mr. Fraser was one of those substitute teachers who accept no guff from their students, or if he was one of those subs who love receiving ritual humiliation from their class. He just sort of sat there at his desk in his white short-sleeve dress shirt, not breathing.


One girl, Jane, raised her arm to ask if he was okay, but he snarled at her like a raccoon defending a piece of six-day-old Kentucky Fried Chicken, and didn’t answer.


Everyone began texting.


IZ HE ALIVE?


I THINK HE MIGHT B DEAD.


HE’ZNT BREATHING.


I CAN C HIS ARTERIES


One student, William, got up to go to the bathroom, but Mr. Fraser roared, so William quickly sat down. Mr. Fraser picked up a piece of chalk and wrote on the board: I'M HUNGRY


Shivers passed through the class of 20.


Mr. Fraser sniffed the air and then grunted and picked up his desk like it weighed nothing and put it in front of the room’s only door. He then walked up and down the rows of seats and motioned for the class members to put their cellphones into the cardboard box he was carrying.


Everyone did so, except for a cheeky student named Brian, who thought he was being very clever by saying that he didn’t have a phone.


Mr. Fraser put down the box of cellphones and leaned down to put his freezing cold nose up against Brian’s ear.


Brian squeaked with fear and handed his phone to Mr. Fraser, who ate it in three bites, spitting out the glass display plate like it was a bone. He then walked to the chalkboard and wrote:

In 200 words diskribe 2 me what the stooDent beside yoo would Taste Like.

Yoo hAv Ten Minitz.

Mr. Fraser leaned on the edge of his desk and remained very still while his students began their in-class essays. To their credit, the students put a good deal of thought and effort into them.


For example, Krista described her friend Brody, to her right:


“I don’t think Brody would taste very good. She hardly eats anything, so I don’t know how she manages to keep what meat on her she actually has. Like yesterday she ate five dried cranberries and a can of diet soda that I’m convinced she threw up afterwards. So if you ate Brody, she’d mostly be bones. I suppose you could put her into a pot and boil her for a few hours to make gravy, but it’d taste funny because she uses this stinky new hair product she got a sample of at the mall from this salesman guy who probably didn’t even realize her hair is 50 per cent hair extensions.”


Young Kyle wrote the following words about Pablo, to his left:


“I suppose that if I were stranded in the Andes and had to eat one of the people in the room, it’d have to be Pablo. The guy eats and eats and eats, and it really shows. I mean, he’s got a muffin top on his wrists above his watch, so don’t tell me he wouldn’t make a kickass barbecue. He’s also really slow on his feet, so if you had to chase him, he’d pretty much be yours. But it’d be easier to put a bag of chips in the middle of a rope lasso and snag him that way. He has no free will with food. Punchline? He thinks that if he goes to the gym twice a week his stomach’s going to look cut. As if.”


Young Caitlyn wrote about Steve, to her left:


“I think with Steve the issue isn’t quantity so much as quality. At first glance you’d think Pablo is the best candidate, but then you have to look at what he actually eats, which is chemicals, chemicals, chemicals. He’s got so many preservatives in him that he could easily be a member of the walking dead. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a member of the walking dead.) But for a more gourmet experience, you’d have to be choosier. Steve’s grandparents are hippies, and some of it stuck with his parents, so in general Steve doesn’t eat as much junk as everyone else does. On the down side, he has zero body fat, which means washboard abs, but also zilch in the tastiness department.”


Jason wrote this about Cleo:


“It depends what you’re looking for in a human. If you want grease and have no regard for your own body, throw Pablo onto the roasting spit and you’re done. Be sure and bring 10 gallons of barbecue sauce, and after you’re sated, you can leave him on the spit and the seagulls will take care of the remains. I’d choose … Cleo. She’s not a jock (no tough fibres; much more tender) and she doesn’t buy junk food from the vending machines.


“I also don’t think she’s on any meds or anything. I don’t know if meds would change the flavour of a person, but my uncle’s a chef, and he says it’s the details that make for a dining experience. Oh – she also has a stable home life, so she wouldn’t taste like fear.”


Mr. Fraser grunted and got up. He walked the aisles, collecting everyone’s essays, then returned to his desk, where he began reading the essays as though they together comprised a menu. He lingered over them, rubbing his chin, as though trying to choose between items in a restaurant.


Finally, he held up Kyle’s essay about Pablo. He gave a hoot of approval and everyone cheered.


“Yayyyyyyyyyy!”


Mr. Fraser then went to the door, removed the desk and ushered them all out, save Pablo. They asked if they could have slips to allow them to roam the halls between classes, but Mr. Fraser just snarled, so they didn’t push their luck or ask if they could get their phones back. He closed the door, and students in the hallway had one final glimpse of him, removing salt and pepper shakers from his shirt pocket.


This excerpt from Highly Inappropriate Tales For Young People, by Douglas Coupland and Graham Roumieu is reprinted with permission from Random House Canada.


© 2011 The Globe and Mail Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Shamelessly borrowed from the Globe and Mail: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/arts/books/a-story-for-the-spooky-season/article2209891/

Clever Zombies

They're morning zombies AND they used comic sans. Evil.

From: Zombie Horde
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2011 6:30 AM
To: HR
Cc: Whole Office
Subject: More Brains

Dear Humans Resources,

Please recruit more people with brains. First day for orientation: Oct. 31 8:00am.

Zombie Horde

Strategic Planning and Operations

Calgary Region

Oh, HR...

From: HR
Sent: October-24-11 7:48 AM
To: Zombie Horde
Subject: RE: More Brains

What am I exactly supposed to be doing other than hiring about oh 80 people or so??

Is this real or a joke..I’m getting confused

Don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing…sorry Zombie! 

We're Saved?

From: Evan
Sent: None
To: Me
Subject: Zombie Hunter from Zama City

Hi  

Could you email everyone and let them know that I have found our zombie hunter?

Look him up on Facebook. His name is John London. Aka Karma the Zombie Killer.

I am boarding the flight home now. See you Monday. 

Please remind everyone of the importance of hand washing during these troubling times

Thank you,

Evan 

I just looked up John 'Karma' London. I don't know what to make of him. I mean, a LinkedIn profile would be a little more professional. I guess we just have to hope for the best.

Black Death

My inner hyperchondriac is having a bit of a meltdown lately. I'm currently battling a cold, or the flu, or the FLU or the plague or the zombie bug.

There's a chart in the women's washroom that compares the symptoms of cold versus the flu. I just spent a couple minutes analysing my symptoms to diagnose myself. Pretty sure its the black death.

Some Advice

From: Zombie Horde
Sent: Friday, October 21, 2011 11:04 AM
To: Office
Subject: Survival Advice

DOH. Shit.

From: Zombie Horde
Sent: Friday, October 21, 2011 11:24 AM
To: Office
Subject: Survival Advice

Vigilance

Got an email last night.

From: Evan
Sent: Thursday, October 20, 2011 8:52 PM
To: The Office
Subject: Be Vigilant

The zombies have been able to gain access to our building and our floor but did not get past the lobby. Thankfully they were not able to get though our secure doors and it appears they have left the area. I have decided to proceed with hiring a Security Specialist that has some experience with this type of situation. (The only real hold up is that we didn’t forecast this expense in the 2011 budget. This means that we will likely be looking for a less expensive option…)

I have booked the first flight to Grande Prairie where I will be interviewing several trackers and hunters that may be able to help out. Try to follow all of the guidelines provided and remember to wash your hands often.

Have a super weekend! Bye bye!

 When I got to our floor this morning, there was definitely evidence of the zombie horde passing through our demesnes.

Zombie Office

 I like their style.

First Contact

The Zombies have finally made contact with us. They're more clever that I had thought.

From: Zombie Horde
Sent: Thursday, October 20, 2011 10:13 AM
To: The Office
Subject: Appointment 

They know where we work.

Zombies Hit Lethbridge!

From our Lethbridge Correspondent:

From: Brett
Sent: October-20-11 7:42 AM
To: Evan
Subject: Zombie attack!

Morning Evan,

Yesterday on my way to work I seen a guy that was stumbling around like he was WASTED (I've been in that condition once or twice).  He began "walking" up towards me, and I assumed he was going to ask me for some change (been in that condition two or three times) and he was just mumbling/making strange noises (been in that condition four or five times).  After knowing what a couple of bucks will do when someone is in this state, I tossed all of the change in my pocket onto the street as I skateboarded by.  The fellow proceeded to walk past my change and turned around and began following me (some girls have been in that condition five or six times).

Confused/mad at him I hopped off the skate and went back to pick up my change cussing (not appropriate language for work email) at him.  As I walked pass the dude I noticed his shirt was covered in blood and I knew he had Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Zombiousisus that you had warned me of.  Before I had a chance to take off on the skateboard, leaving the money on the ground (never been in that condition), and urinating myself he tried to grab me.

I quickly dodged the attempt and stupidly began picking up as much change as possible "cough, cough, I need a raise, cough" I said as this was happening.  The "zombie" slowly stumbled towards me and after I grabbed some loonies off the ground I gave him a swift kick in between the legs, thinking this will stop ANYBODY!  It did nothing.  Thanks to playing Tony Hawk video games for endless hours, I had the knowledge and skill to use my board to quickly and painlessly slay the zombie (told you Mom).  I quickly swung the skateboard at his melon and knocked it right off!  After all this (going home and changing my pants and picking up ALL my change) I skateboarded past the bugger and made it to work on time.

After getting home I was so upset I had to pick up the guitar and write a little song about what happened (see attached lyrics, and I can teach you the chords if you like!)

I have found a ride to work every morning now so I am hoping not to be outside much anymore.

Accosted in the Street

From: Evan
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 12:51 PM
To: The Office
Subject: RE: SPAZ Combat

Good Afternoon Everyone,

Alexis has reported another account of how strange the downtown core is getting (See below).

There is no need to panic, but it is important to be aware of your surroundings and to wash your hands (and any other parts that may have come into contact with others) immediately upon returning to the office.

Again, if you have any concerns please follow Alexis’ example and contact me via email.

Thank you,

From: Me
Sent: October-19-11 12:46 PM
To: Evan
Subject: RE: SPAZ Combat

I really wish I had paid more attention to ‘S’ – Surroundings today at lunch. I wasn’t paying attention while I was walking back from Sate Sub (really good sandwiches there, by the way), and someone (some thing?) grabbed my arm. I broke free and bolted back to the office. I’m really lucky that its nails didn’t break my skin, or draw blood, but the scratches burn, and are a little swollen.

I may have decided to gouge up my arm a little for effect...

SPAZ

From: Evan
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 12:38 PM
To: The whole office
Subject: SPAZ Combat

Regarding Alexis’ email – I don’t think that we need to go to that extreme, but I did find some good material for all to read.

Self-Preservation Against Zombies (SPAZ Combat)

Learn the core principles that will keep you safe and help you survive many close quarter encounters with a zombie. Keeping these in mind will put you on the path to become a SPAZ Warrior, and put you one step ahead of the shambling un-dead masses, ready to feast on your flesh.

Surroundings: Situational awareness is extremely important, and being aware of your surroundings at all times is critical to spot the threat so you can make it out alive.

Protection: If a zombie or any other threat is in the immediate area, protect yourself at all times. Keep your stance and posture proper, always be aware of your offensive and defensive capabilities, as well as your opponent's weapons.

Action: Honestly assess your situation, and decide, based on all of the proper criteria on the proper action to respond to the threat.

Zen (or Zombie-mind): Hesitation and doubt can be just as serious a threat as any zombies in the immediate area. Once a course of action has been decided upon, you must execute the action calmly and efficiently.

Lifted from SPAZ Combat.

Reactions

I voiced my concerns about the indifference of my colleagues this morning. Perhaps they're in shock, but they've been silent so far. No reactions, no comments (out loud, at least).

From: me
Sent: October-19-11 8:36 AM
To: Evan
Subject: RE: Security Consultants

Its also sort of funny how silent CAD is. No discussion, no concern… perhaps they figure you’ve finally lost it?

Thankfully there was some reactions, but it was mostly confusion.

From: Evan
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 8:47 AM
To: Me; Jenny ; Laura ; Andy ; Paul
Subject: Be Informed

Actually I have had lots of discussions. Terry asked “That didn’t really happen did it? Did you assault a police officer this morning?” 

Mark told me that the protesters were all related to Occupy Calgary.

A number of people have commented on my clean hands.

We have been advised to call Woody Harrelson…

David said “Hey…Welcome to my world…” which again makes me wonder what he is talking about.

Terry will also be demonstrating goose stepping later, as per John Cleese

Andy is somewhat entertained, from the sounds of it…

Jane hasn’t said a word… not sure if she is hip to the gig yet.

Zombie Tools

In hunting for zombie resources, we (by we, I mean Evan) stumbled on http://zombietools.net/ - makers of awesome accessories for the apocalypse.

I've fallen in love with The Spit:

Its just so damn sexy.

Security!

From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 8:20 AM
To: The Rest of the Office
Subject: RE: Be on alert

Morning Evan,

I saw some of that craziness, too, on my drive in, mainly in Kensington, and north up to Nose Hill. Kept the windows up and the doors locked.

A friend of mine in Coquitlam works for a ‘risk mitigation’ company called Canpro Global. Sounds pretty vague, but they do security and human safety. http://www.canproglobal.com/

My brother-in-law also recommended Professional Security Consultants (http://www.pscsite.com/NonFlash/index.html), they’re local. He’s worked with them in the past and had a really good things to say about them.

But really, I think (after this morning’s commute), that these groups should be the ones we should contact:

http://zprepared.com/zblog/category/zmedia/

http://www.spazcombat.com/?gclid=CP_tma7j9KsCFSY0Qgod7SJfaw

http://zombietools.net/

-Alexis

I personally love ZombieTools now. Like really really love. More fawning over them later.

Near Miss

Personally, I hate the term 'near miss.' I know what its supposed to mean, but the literal term is totally ridiculous. Nearly missed means that you still hit something, while 'near miss' is supposed to mean that you nearly hit it. Just a pet peeve.

From: Evan McNeil
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 6:23 AM
To: The Whole Office
Subject: Be on alert

Near miss report:

I decided to drive in to the office through Inglewood this morning. As I passed through the Beltline, it was an extremely strange scene. There were many groups of angry looking (although well-dressed) businessmen and women wondering about fighting with each other and randomly destroying property.

I saw a police car at 10th avenue and 1st street southeast so I pulled over to get an explanation. I approached the uniformed officer from the side and when he turned toward me I realized had been injured as his face and shirt were soaked in blood. Then, with no provocation, he lunged at me as he tried to bite my skin. I threw him to the ground, turned and ran back to my car. Lucky, he also had a leg injury and was unable to give chase. From there I came directly into the office and I washed my hands.

From this experience I have decided that we should avoid the southern end of downtown (the entire Beltline area) and I have also decided that the local authorities are not to be trusted.

When I was in the military I made lots of friends that work for private security consultants. For some reason I cannot reach any of them. Does anyone know of a some sort of a security consultant that we could contact?

Thank you and be safe,

Caution

From: Evan
Sent: Tuesday, October 18, 2011 3:26 PM
To: The whole office
Subject: Be Cautious

Good Afternoon Calgary

On a tip from Alexis [ed - that's me](thanks Alexis) I began researching the strange protesters I witnessed downtown.

Apparently, they may not be protesters. This is unconfirmed at this point but apparently a particular strain of a virus called Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Zombiousisus (ARSZ or the so-called zombie-bug) is reportedly active in the Calgary Region. Again, this is not confirmed and as a member of the local Severe Illness and Emergency Response Team I will be providing information about this illness as information becomes available.

If you have any questions at all notify me directly via email.

Please continue following the Best Practices and Procedures which I sent on Monday. In addition, watch for these specific symptoms.

• Changes in gait (strange walking)
• Constant mindless moaning
• Spontaneous loss of limb
• Excessive body odour
• Hallucinations
• Lack of coordination (for example, stumbling and falling)
• Muscle twitching
• Myoclonic jerks or seizures
• Rapidly developing delirium or dementia

If you have some or all of these symptoms, please notify me directly via email. If you had direct contact with a person displaying these symptoms please ensure to wash your hands before returning to work and get plenty of rest.

Thank you

It Begins!

I am so excited. Its sort of ridiculous how excited I am. Have I mentioned how excited I am?

From: Evan
Sent: Tuesday, October 18, 2011 11:51 AM
To: The whole damn office
Subject: Be aware

Good Morning Calgary

In my travels throughout the downtown core I have seen small groups of zombie-like people wandering about. They are acting somewhat disorientated and seem to be quite passive. (Nothing to worry about. They are probably protesters of some sort…)

As always, it is best to keep in mind the following safety reminders:

·         Be aware of your surroundings.

·         Don’t travel alone.

·         Wash your hands.

If you have any concerns about this issue, please contact me directly. As a member of the local Severe Illness and Emergency Response Team I will do my best to keep everyone informed.

Thank you,

Ugh... Anise...

Look what got dropped off on my desk!

That's right. ZOMBIE REPELLENT SOAP (Its a no brainer)!


It smells like black licquorice/anise/sambuca which I find totally repellant.... so maybe that's a good thing? :3


Rocky Mountain Soap Company makes really awesome, 100% natural bath and body stuff. They're based in nearby Canmore.

Flu (and Zombie) Season is Coming Up

TL;DR version - disease season is coming up, sterilize everything twice a week, wash your hands.

From: Evan
Sent: Monday, October 17, 2011 6:50 AM
To: me and the whole YYC Office
Subject: Severe Illness Procedure and Best Practices

Good Morning YYC!

It is that time of year (again!) and various colds and other virus are beginning to make their rounds. In the past few weeks we have seen a marked increase in the number of employee absences due to illness.  I would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone about our Best Practices which relate to your health. 

As a precautionary measure, we encourage you each to take the time to thoroughly clean and disinfect your workstations.  This includes sanitizing all hard surfaces such as your desk surface, mouse, keyboard, telephone, staplers, etc.  Common surfaces such as light switches, door knobs, hand rails, printer buttons and keypads, etcetera should also be wiped down with disinfectant wipes on a regular basis.  If your workstation is a vehicle, use disinfectant wipes on the steering wheel, door and window handles/switches, gear shifts, dashboard and any other hard surfaces.  As established in our Severe Illness planning and procedures in years passed when we were faced with an influenza pandemic, there are precautionary measures that we all can and should be taking, even when we are not being faced with a pandemic situation. 

Individual Responsibilities and General Preventative Measures

Everyone can take simple measures to minimize the risk of being infected.

Ø      Wash your hands frequently, especially after coughing, sneezing or blowing your nose. Wash with soap and water or use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer. When done correctly, this is the single most effective way to reduce the spread of germs and infections.

Ø      Stay home from work if you are sick.

Ø      Wash Your Hands.

Ø      Get immunized.

Ø      Wash Your Hands.

Ø      Cough or sneeze into a tissue or your arm, not your hand.

Ø      Do not touch your eyes, nose or mouth after shaking hands or touching hard surfaces like counters and door handles or other surfaces that may harbor influenza and other viruses. Keep common surfaces clean and disinfected.

Ø      Practice social distancing and avoid crowds when influenza is circulating in the community.

Ø      Wash Your Hands.

Ø      Other steps to keep yourself healthy include:

o        healthy eating;

o        maintaining an active lifestyle; and

o        getting enough rest and sleep.

o        Washing your hands.

Ø      If you have been in contact with someone who is sick with Influenza, you should monitor your health closely for a period of 4 to 5 days for the sudden onset of any flu like symptoms.

Employee Responsibilities

Ø      Employees should follow all general preventative measures, but be especially diligent about washing their hands frequently.  Hand sanitizers have been made available at work stations and in common areas throughout the offices.

Ø      Employees are encouraged to get vaccinated.

Ø      Employees should sanitize their personal work areas as necessary and at a minimum, on a bi-weekly basis. This includes disinfecting your telephone and keyboard as well as other work surfaces.

If there are any questions or concerns feel free to contact me.

Thank you,

The Zombies Have Gone Digital

Guess who got a new email address? And can't spell?

From: Zombie Horde
Sent: Friday, October 14, 2011 8:28 PM
To: me; Laura ; Jenny ; Paul
Subject: You have been summonded

Check out our awesome new email address. The quickest way to an offices brains is through the IT department!

 - The Horde

p.s. we are on our way. uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh  uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh  mmmmmmmm  uhhhhhhhhhh

Poor Mark...

A potential idea that one of us (not me) on the planning committee came up with, to dress up the boss.


I'm probably going to end up in deep shit for posting this.

Really, really deep shit. 


And...






BUTTERFAAAAAAAACE

Some Training

ZOC Meeting

It was mostly looking at pictures of zombies, of costumes we liked and didn't like, good make-up and crappy make-up, that sort of thing. Oh, and brainstorming what we could dress Mark the Boss up as.


We did hammer out some logistics, and a basic timeline. I could post these details, but where's the fun in that? Dear reader, you'll just have to be patient.


We did recruit one more. He was one that we figured would have some fun with this.

From: Evan
Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2011 1:36 PM
To: me; Jenny ; Laura ; Andy ; Paul
Subject: Zombie Resource Center

Zombie Resource Center

Supporting Zombies and communities for a better (tasting) world.

Pictures, letters and other things related to the un-dead. 

[insert server location here] 

Paul – You have been recruited. We have plans for you.